Swimsuit Shopping Horrors

It has often been said that buying a swimsuit is the bane of a female's existence. Though I can think of a few less appealing things, like abdominal surgery or consecutively watching Big Brother and Survivor on daytime TV, finding a swimsuit that fits your body type is certainly a worthy contender. Why do I begin this way? Well, it so happens that my cousin Amanda has a swimming pool in her backyard, and I came completely unprepared with the appropriate gear. Admittedly, I am not an avid swimmer and never have been, so I wasn't really fussed about going in either way. Regardless, the past few days have been so hot that it only seemed right that I participate in the fun, so Amanda and I went out for a day on the town to find a good costume.

British Homestores was stop number one. As we ventured toward the swimsuit section, I could feel my heart palpitations speeding up in spite of myself. The last time I had tried on a swimsuit was back when I had no unmentionable bits to speak of, and suddenly I was overwhelmed by a rush of options: cup sizes and body lengths, tankinis and bikinis, one pieces or simply running out of the store screaming with nothing at all. The whole scene made me envious of men who can basically pick out trunks as if they were a pear of shorts and jump into the pool! Thankfully, Amanda is a fish out of water and knew exactly what to look for. I ended up with seven different string-like outfits in a massive change room, happily deluded that somehow one of these was going to turn me into a swimsuit calendar girl. However, when fitted on me, I was mortified to find that I didn't look a thing like the girls in the glam magazines. (Surprise, surprise!) So, without said bathing suit in hand, the two of us headed on to the next store.

On to stop number two, a small vendor in the Sutton strip mall. With my expectations significantly lowered, I was ready to try anything, even if I looked like a beach whale in rags. It was here we saw a very cute bathing suit that had everything going for it - colour, style, design...except it was meant for 14-15 year olds. Figuring that my height and weight hasn't really changed since those years, I decided to try it on. Shock and horror...I looked like a fat woman in a cocktail dress, spilling out here and popping out there. It really makes you realize that kids that age are certainly lacking in the most, ahem, important areas, though they may profess otherwise. Needless to say, stop two was a complete failure, and we moved on after shoving the bathing suit into the deepest recess of the underwear rack.

Feeling tired and defeated, the two of us entered the final shop - Marks and Spencers. It was here we found a pile of perfect bathing suits. If only we had come here in the first place! I found three in which I felt really comfortable and looked good. Unfortunately, two of the nicest ones were quite dear (60 dollars each!!) so I went for a light blue tankini that cost me only 30 dollars. Thanks to that purchase, the horror that is bathing suit shopping has been put off for another five years and I can go to the beach and visit people's houses in peace. (Hmm...five years is too soon...perhaps I should have bought two!)