There is no ESC...!

Ahhh...I am so stressed over tomorrow's Earth Science exam! At first, I thought it would be a cake walk but the reality is, I have 18 lectures to cover and only 24 hours in which to do it! Of course, I could simply say to myself that within two days, I will not be thinking about this exam at all - rather, it'll be the further thing from my mind. It is just that right now, seeing everyone around me wash their hands of their finals and fly off to all corners of the world (Myrtle Beach, Italy, Malta, China...what kind of money do these people have?? lol), I feel a little left out. Mind you, this coin also has a flip side. I will be very sad to leave the Drewe household because of the freedom I have to order my life according to my own tastes. For example, the type of food in my fridge, when I do laundry, and the messy state of my room - all of these daily customs, whether intentional or not, become awkwardly shoved into the daily framework set out by my parents whenever I return home. My dad always says that it is almost impossible for four adults to live together under one roof, and since the time my brother gained a pretty independent personality of his own, I have had to agree. (This is not an attack against my parents, by the way; it is simply a fact of life!) Nevertheless, I have a year of complete freedom to look forward to because my apartment in Japan is a single room significantly removed from the university campus. Although I may have to use a public bathroom, I have a kitchen and a place to sleep - a real pad of my own, so to speak. One thing I am determined not to do is to become a hermit. It is all too easy to lock yourself away from the world in a foreign country and I am determined not to fall into that trap this time around (and if I ever find myself failing, I'll just think of the sweat and blood that went into getting those high marks for the exchange and that'll surely whip me into shape!). Looking back to my last exchange, I am surprised at how much time and energy I devoted to escaping when I should have been embracing my vulnerability and exposing myself to making mistakes because, hell, it was at times like that I learned the most. The Japanese phrases I most clearly remember now are the products of me making a fool of myself because everyone made a point to correct me! Anyhow, I am rambling...but I guess it is good to throw in the occasional introduction to my feelings while abroad so as to make this diary all the more clear for those who did not know me before 2003.

I also had a very interested job opportunity sprout up before me the other day. On a job bank website, I saw an ad posted by Natural Resources Canada for a "tree planter," a three day position during which workers plant up to 800 seedlings for 8 hours a day. Sure, it sounds grueling, but I am willing to take anything that isn't a mall job at this point. The woman on the phone also mentioned that they are looking for summer student help in the office as well so perhaps I can convince them to employ me if I do a good job out in the fields. Man..it feels SO weird to be thinking about manual labour in N--t while sitting at my computer preparing for massive exam in L--n. Am I really up for this change??

Some depressing news is that I can no longer go to England with my dad this summer. I'll save everyone the details but basically, it involves a medical problem that must be fixed before I go to Japan. I guess the toss up is either England or Japan and while England can be done any summer, studying in Japan is a once (or in my case, twice) in a lifetime thing. My hope is to go next summer, though, if I earn enough this summer.

In other (somewhat boring) news...I got a shock yesterday when I found out that the actor Jeff Bridges, who is in my favourite movie The Mirror Has Two Faces, is the brother of the general in Stargate (Beau Bridges)! I should have put two and two together...but it was difficult to tell because they don't look alike at all! Yipes...the things you learn...

Ijou desu! (Japanese for 'the end')